Caring for the caregiver: Mental health in moms

 

Mothers are sometimes portrayed as superhumans who have it all under control while managing houses, giving birth and raising children, keeping families together, and often working full-time. On Mother's Day, women are showered with love and praised for their passion and commitment, but seldom questioned, "How do they really feel?" Because they are frequently viewed as powerful caregivers rather than the individuals they are. The live, breathing individual who may be depressed, anxious, or battling with mental health.

In Pakistan, where an estimated 50 million people suffer from mental illnesses, women bear a disproportionate share of the burden. However, for many women, it is ignored, misinterpreted, or rejected. The effects of this silence have a significant influence on both mothers and their children.

According to a United Nations survey, almost 90% of women in Pakistan endure emotional and verbal abuse, with 50% experiencing physical violence from their spouses. Domestic abuse poses a significant risk for depression and anxiety, particularly during pregnancy. A research conducted in a rural area of Pakistan found that more than 26% of pregnant women suffered from depression. In other locations, this figure is considerably greater. In many situations, these women are battling alone, with no help from their family or spouses.

"Pregnancy is a period of emotional, physical, and hormonal changes. "When women do not receive support, the pressure increases," said Dr. Sadia Rehman, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. "Many ladies feel lost. They're expected to be tough, but within, they're exhausted, and no one talks about it."

She went on to say that women are frequently refused even the most basic emotional assistance, which adds to their mental stress. "Many new moms have no idea what is happening to them. They're perplexed, apprehensive, and guilty. Some believe they are not 'good moms,' and the guilt consumes them."

However, this is not only a mother's concern. According to Dr. Saad Malik, a practicing psychiatrist who works closely with prenatal and postpartum patients, maternal mental health difficulties have a direct influence on their babies. "There is now compelling evidence that mother stress during pregnancy increases the baby's chance of early developmental problems, such as low birth weight and preterm birth. But what's more concerning is the long-term emotional harm that might occur if the mother's mental health is not treated after birth."

He describes how babies are emotionally sensitive to their mother's state. "When a mother is sad, distant, or nervous, her kid does not get the warmth and responsiveness necessary for healthy emotional attachment. That lays the groundwork for how the kid learns to manage emotions, trust, and develop connections later in life."

Dr. Malik further notes that in clinical practice, he commonly sees children with behavioral or emotional problems, and in many cases, their mother's untreated mental health disorders are to blame. "I observe youngsters with anxiety, rage, and sleep difficulties, and when we go back, the emotional environment at home was frequently unstable throughout the child's early years. occasionally the mother had postpartum depression, and occasionally she was emotionally abandoned, which silently transmitted to the kid.

He underlined that maternal mental health difficulties exist in all income categories, but they manifest differently. "Women from low-income households are physically and emotionally fatigued. They suffer unexpected births, inadequate nutrition, a lack of education, and limited access to mental health services. Their pain is intense, and they've accepted it as a normal part of life."

The pain seems different in upper-middle and affluent households, yet it is just as devastating. "There's a lot of performance pressure," he added. "These women are supposed to be excellent moms, look nice, maintain social appearances, and raise 'achieving' children. They hide their feelings out of shame and want to appear normal, which only exacerbates the internal separation."

Dr. Malik also discusses the emotional consequences of gender preference. "It's unfortunate but common. If a mother already has two or three girls and is pregnant again, there is tremendous pressure on her to deliver a male. If she has another female, she is made to feel inadequate. That child is born into emotional rejection. It impacts the mother's feelings regarding the kid, even if she attempts to disguise them."

According to him, these psychological scars heal silently. "Children may not be able to express their emotions, but they absorb the stress. Their bodies recall the stress. Their minds recall the emotional void. That manifests later in the form of low self-esteem, dependence, or violence."

Dr. Sadia Rehman emphasized that moms with untreated postpartum depression frequently lose their sense of self. "They no longer recognize themselves as individuals. Everything becomes about survival. Feed the baby, bathe him, prepare meals, and clean the house. There is no stop to inquire, 'Am I okay?' "Emotional burnout becomes their new normal."

She noted that many children reared in these situations exhibit symptoms of emotional dysregulation, tantrums, delayed speech, and hyperactivity. "When we evaluate these youngsters, the common component is invariably the emotional climate in the household. And most of the time, the mother's health was overlooked."

There is little study on mental health concerns in Pakistan, therefore most information is based on estimations or outdated data. In Pakistan, an estimated 80% of housewives who attend metropolitan clinics are diagnosed with stress-related diseases, and 65% of therapy-seeking persons are women, the majority of whom are married and report high levels of family conflict.

Nevertheless, the stigma endures. "There's a lot of shame attached to mental health in our society," Dr. Rehman explains. "Mothers are expected to be unselfish, powerful, and generous. When she confesses she's suffering, others assume she's ungrateful or weak."

Dr. Malik concurred, adding that even educated families are resistant. "Mental illness is still considered a moral failing. A lady may be urged to pray more or to "snap out of it." Nobody informs her that postpartum depression is a medical disease. And no one tells her she deserves assistance."

Both experts think that the first step is a talk. "We need to normalise talking about these feelings," stated Dr. Rehman. "Allow moms to talk without judgment. Allow children to weep without being labeled theatrical.

Dr. Malik proposed including mental health assessments into routine prenatal and postnatal appointments. "This should be standard. We should ask moms how they are doing emotionally, just as we check their blood pressure or hemoglobin levels. If you see a red flag, follow up. Refer. Support."

They believe in the value of community and social media. "When mothers see other women sharing their stories online, they realise they're not alone," claims Rehman. "We need more digital platforms, safe spaces, and public health campaigns focused on maternal mental health."

Finally, it all comes down to compassion. We ask mothers, "How are you feeling?" And by truly listening, we may begin to foster a culture of caring. A mentally healthy mother may nurture an emotionally robust child. That youngster grows up to be our society's future.

As Dr. Saad Malik put it, "When we ignore a mother's mental health, we risk not only losing her, but also the emotional future of her child." And that's too much for any civilization to tolerate."

#mentalhealth #mothers #mothersday #happymothersday